Kourion and the great floured chimp scandal
The Prologue
...and welcome to a moderately busy Kourion Arena for the Ludus Romani here today, sad to say the local Greek populace consider themselves a bit civilised for blood sports... still it's a great program this afternoon.
The promoter Honest Figulus presents:
The Mighty Silverback Great Ape...
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| A fierce and mighty beast, a king of nature, a Prince among Gorillas... |
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| Or... just a chimp that's had flour thrown over it to make it look like a Silverback. The Greek crowd may have Figulus flogged for this one... |
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| But the chimp lashes out killing a slave, before it is killed. Not a good start. |
And for out second bout, it's the Great Ostrich Chase!
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| For those not in the know, the Ostrich is quick Several Greek punters lose their money over this. That crowd is getting ugly... |
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| No use, the ostriches dash around, far too quick to catch. It's another wash out. The Governor beckons his guards and points at Figulus....gulp... |
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| And for once these look like actual wolves, or are they just big stray dogs? Has he thrown flour over these to get them to look more wolf like? |
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| Win for the slaves |
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| Two Gladiators four slaves. |
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| The slaves pick on Ozzius trying to be clever |
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| But it's a blood fest. A killing blow from Gillanus the Villainous. The end game has two dead slaves and two almost dead slaves. Win for the Gladiators. |
Match two. Spartapiss vs Balinus
The Dwarf secutor Balinus vs the Thracian Spartapiss.
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| Rumour has it these two hate each other. Too many size-ist jokes... |
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| A big early hit for Balinus, four strikes, four wounds... |
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| Balinus goes after his legs... |
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| Another two hits. Looking grim for the Spartan |
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| And he's down. Balinus survives and Biggus Brutus leaps about the stands in jubilation as his boy wins for the fourth time! |
Match three. The Battle of Troy
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| The Greeks face off against two female Trojans, the Amazons of Homer's tale. The "Gates of Troy" are some mouldy old pillars Figulus has erected. Not sure where he sourced them but they look fishy... |
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| They pair off, and it's a pounding. |
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| Unexpectedly its the Amazons who are doing well |
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| Gracia puts her man down. She plays to the crowd. |
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| The Trojans swarm the last Greek, but he wont go down |
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| At the end of eight rounds its the Trojans who win... in front of a Greek audience... Lots of booing... cries of shame, shame... |
The condemned Poet, Cataline the Sarcastic, chased by a bear! That will teach him to write derogatory verse about the General Quintus' love life...
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| Look out Poet boy, that's a big bear
We are serving larks tongues and Salmon penis surprise at the interval. Next up will be the Battle of the Hot Gates, and the Primus. Don`t go away Sports fans...
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Figulus had bought up a stock of fish tank ornaments from Jumbos in the Paphos Mall. 50 cents each.
Honest Figulus, a man you can trust... A man who... Oh flipping heck here come the Governor's guards. Quick run for it!
A travesty! Proximo also bet on the Greeks - it should have been a dead cert. There's never been such a reversal of history since that chap Maximus won the Battle of Troy.
ReplyDeleteOf course I meant the Battle of Carthage - doh!
DeleteThe "Great Silverback Ape" is a 15mm model, and once I put it into the Arena I realised that it looked like a chimp against these 20mm figures!
DeleteIf the Persians win at the Hot Gates Figulus will be in even more trouble with this crowd.